By Will Ortner
Guess who didn’t do their job again. Yup, that’s right I messed up again. Could I blame Netflix for having dumb shows on their top ten? Yes, yes, I could, but I'm a bigger man than that.
Could I say that The Wrong Missy looks like a rehash of every Happy Madison movie since the 1990’s? Like OMG, what's going to happen? David Spade is going to accidentally invite the Bat Sh*t crazy Missy instead of inviting the Missy that is an absolute rocket. Yet, somehow they will eventually fall in love by the end of the movie, and everyone lived happily ever after. Let’s not even get into the fact that since it’s a David Spade movie, you know the female lead was in grade school when he was starting his SNL run. I could say that this shtick has been tired since the turn of the century. I could say these things, but I won’t because That just wouldn’t be nice.
Could I attack the Riverdale show as the worst show on TV? I saw 12 minutes of the first episode with one of the ex’s. We stopped watching the show because it was the worst thing I'd ever seen on The CW, and that's saying something because the CW is known for sh*tty teen TV dramas. Is her love of this show the reason the ex and I broke up? No, but it defiantly didn’t help our relationship. Again, I won’t say these things.
Will I say something terrible about Soul Surfer? Nope, I read the spark notes version of the show, and because I'd like to keep my job, I will not make any jokes. I'm sure it's a great movie that just doesn't interest me.
Could I say something bad about Outer Banks. A show that is explicitly directed at teenage girls and, apparently, one of my friends on a particular football team. Look, I'm not going to say the team he plays for, but it rhymes with Feastern Washington. The show looks exactly like something that the CW wanted to buy, but Netflix just happened to outbid them this time. Please, Netflix, don't become the new CW. I could say all these things, but like I've said many times, I'm way too nice to take potshots at Netflix.
Look, I’m the first man to admit my faults. I love too much, care about others too much, and I just work too hard at my job. Obviously, I chose not to do my job to fix my inner demons, not because I'm too lazy to watch shows on Netflix that I believe are hot garbage. I would never do that to Netflix, I respect the company too much. That being said, I stand by the ex joke, it was funny and kind of true. I rate this blog 1 out of 1.
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