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Netflix Movie Review: Django Unchained (the D is silent)

By Will Ortner

It's Jaime Foxx week here in the Ortner residence, and after watching Sleepless, I saw another classic from this superb actor. Can you tell I have a fat man-crush on my boy Jaime? I mean, come on look at him. My dude is yoked, super funny, he can act, he can sing, and most importantly he's got a ton of cash. Basically, he's the total package.

Django Unchained is a 2012 Masterpiece directed by the weirdest man in Hollywood Quentin Tarantino. Does Tarantino find a reason to make blood spurt everywhere for no reason other than it is super gory? Yes, and that’s why I enjoy all of his films. Does he have some controversies? Maybe, but I like the ostrich when a predator approaches have chosen to stick my head in the sand and pretend they are not real. If you are actually offended by this joke, just remember that it is a joke and that you're actually mad at Tarantino, not me. Thanks!

Spoilers ahead, but again this movie came out in 2012, so if you haven't seen it yet, it's on you. Django is a revenge fantasy movie about a slave who works as a bounty hunter in the beginning and then tries to save his wife from Leonardo DiCaprio.

I’m not going to lie, Leo plays the perfect villain in this film. He seems like such a terrible guy that you have to hate him. He makes his slaves participate in Mandingo fighting for goodness sake! Whether Mandingo fighting was real or not didn't really matter to me, It makes Monsieur Candy just the perfect villain. Then, of course, there is the scene where he actually cuts his hand and wipes his blood on poor Kerry Washington's face. Just perfect!

I haven't even gotten into the fact that the great Samuel L. Jackson plays a butler who is basically in charge of Candyland the whole time. Django Unchained is just a fantastic movie that even I have a hard time making fun of. Except for the fact that there are multiple scenes where people get shot with pistols, and they fly back as they got shot with an RPG. That I don't approve of. Just didn't seem real in a movie about a German who befriends a former slave to help him save his still enslaved wife because her name is Broomhilda. Just seems far fetched.

A great all-around movie that I would recommend to all. Well, not all, no one under 18 unless your parents are cool and my mother. She doesn't enjoy blood—100 out of 101 stars.

SHAMELESS PLUGS: Make sure to comeback biweekly to check out my different yet life-changing blogs. Also, watch Guy vs Girl on 88.1 The Burg's website and social media sites. Also Also, listen and watch Ort and the Bear every week Tuesday through Friday. Also Also Also, follow me on Twitter and Instagram @willortner.

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