By Will Ortner
Who’s got two thumbs and actually did their job, this guy! I went back this week and watched Battle: Los Angeles. Not to be confused with Battleship, a movie that was based on a stupid board game that you play at your grandparents when they start their fourth nap of the day. Sorry about the ricochet burn boomers, but it was too easy, and if you felt it was an unfair shot, that's on you.
Sorry I went off on a tangent, back to the decently adequate movie that I’m supposed to be reviewing. Battle: Los Angeles is a movie about an old military staff sergeant called into battle when weird aliens land on the plant and try to drain the world of its resources.
You might be saying to yourself, "Will this sounds like a cheap knock off version of Independence Day." Then I would say that not only, are you right, but it is also an even cheaper knock-off than you thought. In this movie, you get the old and tired Aaron Eckhart instead of a dashing Will Smith playing the main character. When he runs in the movie, the pops that you hear are not explosions but his knees popping from physical exercise.
Instead of Vivica Fox as the main actress, in this movie, we get Bridget Moynahan, a known believer in the TB 12 method. Look, I actually enjoy Moynahan, I just really wanted to make a joke about her previous relationship with Brady. That'll show her to date, attractive men.
Michael Pena has a brief role in this movie, and he does a good job. He's always believable and finds a way to maybe be the only Scientologist that I don't roll my eyes at every time they speak. Look have your own beliefs, and I will respect most of them, but if you pray to someone named Xenu, I will raise an eyebrow.
Of course, Michelle Rodriguez is in this movie. She seems to be the go-to badass woman in Hollywood. Whenever a movie needs a female that can shoot and fight, Rodriguez always gets cast, and I am here for it. There will be no jokes here because she is fantastic and seems to have a long-lasting career. You might say she is living her life more than a quarter of a mile at a time.
A good movie that you can watch to kill some time. Don't expect a lot, but it is an easy and fun watch. I give it a 54 out of 83 stars.
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