Around the Weird in 80 Days: Fluoride

February 6, 2017

 

Source: Google, labeled for reuse

 

Scary salutations, citizens of the weird. It is finally February. Love is in the air, love is also under the ground, in space, in the water, and behind you. You cannot escape love. I am sorry for this fact. I hope you have been enjoying my recent shows about the Great Wall of China and chem trails. It is unfortunate that the Great Wall of China is not real, but we still have Hollywood to stoke our imaginations. I thought I would talk about an established conspiracy theory in my blog for today. Let us talk about fluoride in the water.

 

What is the deal with fluoride in the water? Experts suggest that the fluoride is there to benefit our teeth. A society with strong teeth is less likely to start wars over toothpaste. However, certain conspiracy theorists have suggested that the fluoride is an attempt by the government to sterilize humans or even control their minds. What better way to control humans than through their drinking water? The people who suggest this have interesting ideas, but they are incorrect. The government has no intentions to poison or control the population through the water supply. They do this through the use of government-supplied tacos. Rather the purpose of fluoride in water is to prevent everyone from turning into whales.

 

Whales? Yes, whales. As it turns out, the moon is magic and has the potential to turn everyone into whales. It is like a werewolf transformation but less exciting. The government understands this fact and it wants to ensure the survival of humans. It also wants to make sure that major cities have no problems with people suddenly becoming whales. They tried putting borax into the water supply, but this only made people have an insatiable need to become radio station brand managers. There are too many people and not enough radio stations for this to be a reality. As one can see, fluoride is the solution.

 

I hope this answers your questions about whales and fluoride. For more about conspiracies and the number of radio station brand managers in the world, tune into my show on Saturdays and Sundays from 4-6PM. Until then, remember to embrace the weird before it embraces you.

 

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