AXIS OF AWFUL

January 23, 2016

 

Were it not for a baffling collection of moves in Philadelphia last summer it would be easy to say 49ers GM Trent Baalke suffered one of the worst off-seasons in recent history. Baalke’s bizarre revolving door of retirement, uninspired draft, and messy separation from high profile head coach Jim Harbaugh barely registered in the bay, much less nationally where the whole nation was gasping in shock as Chip Kelly blatantly scalped the Philadelphia Eagle’s roster of all talent. Perhaps last Thursday’s hiring of Kelly by Baalke is an expression of gratitude.

 

With Baalke and Kelly now making awful moves together for Jed York’s 49ers the spotlight of curiosity immediately shines brightest on yet another fella who had an awful 2015: Colin Kaepernick. As a Seattlelite I love rushing like Russell Wilson’s. In a goal line offense no player at any position is more desirable to me than Cam Newton. When it comes to a long field and quarterback rushing that truly inspires fear on every single play though I have only seen perfection three times[1].

 

One was the 2014 season when Kaepernick was one Richard-Sherman-tip away from starting back-to-back Super Bowls. Previously (2012-13 season). Kaepernick tattooed Green Bay for a 56-yard TD in the NFC championship game, ran it in from 15 that year in the Super Bowl (longest by QB in the Super Bowl), and gouged the Seahawks number one defense for 58 on one dash in the ’13-’14 NFC championship.

 

Marcus Mariotta in Oregon was the next. Despite being in college and Chip Kelly’s complex offense Mariotta’s feet were truly special during his run at Oregon. The true danger of Mariotta was illustrated by 29 rushing touchdowns during his college career.

 

Even though there was a critical loss to Dillon in the Texas state playoffs, Voodoo was deadly with his ability to rush from the pocket. His agenda did not allow for Coach Taylor’s silly Green Bay Packers offense or any situation that would place physically limited Matt Saracin at QB1. Voodoo’s swagger eventually cost him a spot on Eric Taylor’s Dillon Panthers, but not before he threw a couple mind-blowing highlights down. Overriding Taylor’s play call for a deadly 60-yard touchdown had Dillon fans flashing back to the glory of the Jason Street era but it was not to be for Voodoo in Dillon.

 

So now we the fans win. What will the two worst GM’s of last year combine with the NFL’s most disappointing coach to provide fans in the bay area? Will Kelly be able to resurrect a quarterback in Kaepernick that had a far worse season than even Johnny “Football” Manziel. As of now Kaepernick’s jerseys are back up to full price on the 49ers website and Kelly was only unemployed for a couple weeks while Baalke booted company man, Jim Tomsulu, after one season of reaching expectations. The 49ers seriously couldn’t be hoping for more than five wins by looking at the roster Baalke assembled. Worst quarterback, worst GM, and most disappointing coach. Welcome 49ers fans to the axis of awful.

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