Scary salutations, citizens of the weird. We are traversing through the spookiest month, and I am giddy with ghoulish glee. I have been away from the radio and the blog of the Burg since May. I needed time to escape the bears that keep materializing in the back seat of my car. Also, the Burg keeps vanishing into alternate dimensions. It is rather inconvenient for me. Now I am back, and I thought it was high time we had a talk about Kim Kardashian.
Who is Kim Kardashian? That is an important question. Some people would say that she is an entrepreneur notable for her relationships with athletes and musicians. Others would argue that she is famous for being famous. In the past, I have attempted to argue that she is obviously a transdimensional sorceress plotting the eventual destruction of humanity. It makes sense when you really think about it. Surely, she must be using some form of hypnosis to get everyone to watch her reality show.
Upon reflection, I was wrong.
Kim Kardashian isn’t anything. She is not a sorceress, an entrepreneur, or even in a relationship with Kanye West. Ladies and gentlemen, my Theory of the Weird is that Kim Kardashian is not real. She does not exist. You might ask yourself ‘how can this be?’ People have seen her on TV. There are photos of Kanye West and her walking around. Someone might even point out that they saw her at their local movie theater shoving nachos into her purse. Yes, media outlets have done a great job in their attempt to convince us that Kim Kardashian is a real person. However, we are logical, thinking humans. We are too smart to be fooled by parlor tricks and smoke and mirrors.
These are not the blabberings of a fool. I have done my research. I have found no birth certificate for Kim Kardashian. Why? Because she was never born! Netflix told me that she had no account on the website. Certainly, a real human being would have an account. Perhaps the best evidence comes from her “reality” show. The budget for Keeping up with the Kardashians is in the tens of millions. One might argue that this budget pays for the Kardashian salaries and production expenses. However, it is far more apparent that this budget is used to create a CGI version of Kim Kardashian so that the show can exist. I must admit that this is high quality CGI. You almost believe that Rob, Kanye, and the others are interacting with a real person. Finally, I have found pictures of Kanye West without Kim Kardashian. These pictures hint at the true nature of the world. If Kim existed, wouldn’t she be in these photos?
Exhibit 1: Kanye West standing alone without Kim Kardashian suggesting a high probability she doesn’t exist
Ultimately, it would nice if Kim Kardashian existed. She does not unfortunately. It is quite apparent that Kim Kardashian is a media generated myth for the purposes of high ratings and advertising revenue. Perhaps one day the truth will be revealed, but until that point, we might as well indulge the media in their little fantasy.
(Photo credit: Google, labeled for reuse)