Source: Google, labeled for reuse.
Hellish hellos, citizens of the weird. I had an interesting winter break. I hope you missed me as much as I missed you. We have entered a new year, and I have grand plans for Around the Weird in 80 Days. Of course, a new year means a new you. You can take this phrase to mean two different things. It could mean an opportunity to reinvent yourself, or you could take it to mean that the scientist who created you has decided to eliminate you in the hopes of creating a newer model. Both are equally likely. Because it is the new year, people often talk about resolutions. I thought it would be best if I talked about some of the better resolutions you could make in today’s blog.
Some people often resolve to eat healthier, and this is admirable. However, it would be a much more interesting if you decided to eat unhealthier. What if you decided to eat all the food in the world? Surely this would win you some awards. You might become a minor celebrity who people would want to take pictures with while you were out with family or friends. This might shorten your life, but do you really want to live forever? The answer to this question should be yes always. Another resolution you could make is to be a better friend. This is reasonable. After all, a good friend should never send their friends into a parallel dimension filled with aggressive spiders. Why would you do that? Perhaps you can do less of that in the future. Another resolution you could make would be to become a master of a certain skill. Perhaps you want to excel at being a radio station brand manager, or you want to learn how to become invisible. Learning a new skill is a smart move because it stands to flesh out your character. Everyone should attempt to become a well-rounded three-dimensional character instead of a two-dimensional terror being. If I might suggest a skill, perhaps you could learn knife throwing.
There are plenty of other resolutions you could make. I could sit here all day and list them out for you, but it is better if you discover them on your own. As for me, my resolution is that I want to embrace the weird even further. Perhaps you could join me this quarter from 4-6PM on Saturdays and Sundays to accomplish this goal?