Photo Credit: Google, labeled for reuse
Pleasant tidings, denizens of the weird and the peculiar! I hope you learned a thing or two about Jack the Ripper last week. It is through learning about the weird that we can understand the nature of the world. This week I will be talking about food and Dr. Feare’s Goodtime Tonic as it has magical and terrifying qualities that you should all know about right now. For now, I thought we could talk about pizza.
Pizza is delicious, yes? Whether it is the unrivaled joy that is breakfast pizza or simply pepperoni pizza, it is fair to say that pizza is one of the tastiest foods thought of by human beings or the space horses that came before us. It is pretty hard to mess up pizza unless you really try. Saying that, I believe that are some people that have tried their hardest to mess up pizza. For example, the Australian Hotel in Sydney created the Coat of Arms Pizza which is half emu and half kangaroo with tomatoes and cranberries. Listen, I can understand the desire to put exotic meats on a pizza, but people who add fruit to non-dessert pizzas should be prosecuted for war crimes. You should also count anchovy pizzas in this unusual category. I fail to see how anyone thinks of salty fish when they hunger for pizza. There is also the Cobb Salad pizza (pictured). This somehow combines a salad and a pizza, which ruins both. I don’t think the people who want a pizza care about how healthy it is, and I don’t think the people who want a salad want a pizza base added to it. Lastly, I should mention any pizza that has something unusual stuffed into the crust. Cheese is normal. Bacon is normal. Hot dogs are a sign that someone is going overboard with their pizza ideas.
I am sure that I missed some strange. If you can think of any, share them with me on my show this week, Monday and Wednesday at 9PM. Until then, remember to use correct portions of kangaroo on your exotic pizzas.